5 Years Later

Well hi there...

It's 2am here and I found myself unable to sleep. Nothing too unusual! My mind wandered, as it often does, and I found myself on my blog page. I was surprised it still existed! The last time I posted was 5 years ago...which actually feels like a lifetime ago!

5 years ago.
5 years ago I was depressed.
5 years ago I was finishing a degree and unsure of where to go next.
5 years ago I went through friendship breakdowns.
5 years ago I distanced myself from the people I loved.
5 years ago I shunned God and my faith.
5 years ago I didn't want to be here.

Today?
Today I'm healthy.
Today I'm in a full time secure and stable job which I enjoy.
Today I have realised my true friends and kept them close.
Today I make no hesitation in staying close to my loved ones and telling them they are loved.
Today I cannot and will not ever deny God and my faith is stronger than ever.
Today I have purpose and I love life.

The difference in those years? God. He never left. I did. He broke my chains of depression and freed me into His never ending, unconditional love. Today He is using my experiences to enable me to love like Him and help people around me. He completely turned my life around.

"I'm no longer a slave to fear,
I am a child of God."

I'm sorry it's been 5 years, I'm also sorry that I may not post again for a long while (it seems to be a habit of mine) but I'm not sorry for my testimony. If anyone is reading who is suffering, turn to Him, try it. Why not? I'm here today because He heard my cry and I know He'll hear yours too.

B.

A Summer To Remember

This is the blog that was put onto The Salvation Army's blog today;

Well this summer has been really busy, tiring, uplifting and eye opening for me. I’d finished college (finally!) and I did a bit of volunteer work at school but the first main thing on my agenda was the World Youth Convention that was to be held in Sweden in July.

When I applied for the WYC, I’ll admit, I wasn’t too sure about going but once I found out I was, I was overjoyed. I spent the year following my application trying to raise awareness of this event in my division and raising money to enable me to attend. All this time had passed and I’d made it to the airport on Wednesday 14^th July to meet with fellow delegates and to make our way to Sweden.

I remember being the first person, with Rebecca Perry, to turn up and meet Major Andrea Sawyer and Major Janet Robson. They were to be our chaperones for the next few days. Shortly after we met, more delegates arrived one being Matthew Brown. I remember this really well because he greeted me by asking me if I was Rebecca Billard, to which I replied yes, followed by “Apparently we used to play together when we were 2 years of age”. This was due to our officer parents being in neighbouring corps. Two minutes in and we’d already seen some of the connections the Army seems to be famous for! They’d be plenty more to come! The rest of the day enabled us as a territory to bond and make friends which set the foundations for the ‘WYC family’ we have today.

Thursday morning gave us time to ‘sight-see’ Stockholm although with the weather being 28C by 8.30am, we actually went shopping for shorts and had dinner at Ben and Jerry’s Ice Cream shop. Thursday afternoon saw the raising of the banners to mark the beginning of such a big event which everyone there, and many more who weren’t present, believed was the start of the next movement of The Salvation Army! Amen! Shortly after, our opening meeting started with a mind blowing, spine-shivering, Amen-shouting introduction from all of the creative arts groups bringing us Send The Fire. I just remember being speechless, frozen to the spot with the weirdest feeling tingling down my spine that continued throughout the meeting. It was clear from the moment the first chord played that the Holy Spirit was working in Sweden and in the hearts and minds of everyone there.

The General spoke about how God raised up The Salvation Army to do His work and that we had been called to the WYC for a reason. It wasn't by chance we were there, it was by God's plan. We listened to many messages from the creative arts groups and tried to go live to Times Square in New York. The mercy seat was flooded and people had to kneel at their seats or in the isles. The worship within the auditorium was spectacular and Major Mark Sawyer (TYS for U.K), amongst others, said that he's ‘never, ever experienced such powerful worship in all things he's ever been to.’ Words cannot describe what happened as the Spirit moved within us and this was just the first meeting!

The same atmosphere was around throughout the whole week and it really will be an experience I’ll never forget. I’ve made friends for life, been open to a whole new idea about what The Salvation Army really is and also been open to what God wants me to do with my life. The whole week spoke to me about where I’m heading in my life and whether I’m doing what I’m supposed to be doing. I remember the meeting in which Commissioner Sue Swanson spoke about Officership very clearly, but what got me was the fact that there was also confirmation that there are other callings, not just Officership. She said that every Soldier of The Salvation Army needs to be open to the thought of Officership, but it isn’t for everyone, and that’s okay. It reassured me that whatever I do in life and wherever I go, God will be with me and He will tell me where I need to be, all I need to do is trust Him and be open to His will. It’s made me re-evaluate where I’m headed and I’m not as scared of the future as I used to be because I know He’s with me and I have a feeling that He’ll get His way in me anyway!! The WYC means an awful lot to me and it’s a privilege to be part of such an event and to be a part of the next movement of The Salvation Army. My hopes and prayers are that God will use this event to ‘Raise Up’ The Salvation Army and that we will use this event to ‘Raise Up’ our Lord God Almighty.

My summers are usually busy as I’m on staff at my divisional J.S Camp and I student at my divisional Summer School (Break-a-way), so a few days after the WYC finished, I was straight into J.S Camp, whose theme for this year was ‘Go MAD’ (Go Make A Difference). We studied Noah, Joseph, Esther, the man who came through the roof and Pentecost. For me the story of Esther stood out. Esther was chosen to be Xerxes’ Queen but she didn’t tell him she was a Jew. Esther’s uncle Mordecai didn’t like one of the royal officers Haman as Haman was determined to kill all the Jews. Mordecai ended up gaining the same rank as Haman when Esther decided to tell Xerxes of Haman’s plot and her race. This resulted in Haman being killed and Esther saving her people. The story shows us that God’s still working whether we see it or not. Esther couldn’t understand why God told her not to reveal her race when she got married, but a few years later when Haman’s plot came to light, she realised that she was there to save her people. I know I’ve looked back on my life and seen God’s hand working, but when I think back to how I felt at the time, I didn’t realise. I think it’s really reassuring that He’s always around and His plan for us is always in action, whether we realise or not.

Break-a-way (NW Division Summer School) was another God-filled week in which the story of Esther came up again! Esther is a story that has me thinking about my own life and how God is going to go about using me. When Spire visited on the Monday of our camp, they did two sessions on Identity and Vocation, both of which fitted in perfectly with what had been happening at the WYC and at JS Camp. I was confused at what my future had in store. I had applied to university but I wasn’t sure whether that was the way I should go and so these two sessions really hit home for me. I now know that whatever happens, the Lord will bring me on the right path at the right time, it’s all His timing. It’s all about trusting Him, something that is really hard, but worth it. Break-a-way always helps me on my journey and I believe that Summer Schools are very important to the youths’ spiritual journey.

My summer has been jam-packed full with God-filled events. I’ve been filled to my capacity with the Holy Spirit all summer and I know that that will not always be the case, but this summer has opened up my whole life to me! Whatever God wants me to do; I’m open to do it. 2 months ago, I wouldn’t have been open to His will at all. I know that it doesn’t matter which path I take to get to where He wants me to go because He’ll be with me the whole way if I let Him, and I’m going to let Him. All I need to do is stay open to His will and stay close to Him.

Long time...

Okay, so it seems my 30-day worship journey didn't work, partly due to how pressurised a levels have been this year and also due to my lack of discipline. I'm not very good at routine at the moment, well in general I suppose, but especially now! So I'll try that again in the summer break.

I'm on the verge of a very busy few weeks, which I'm incredibly excited about! Next week I embark on a once in a life time experience as I travel to Sweden for the World Youth Conference with The Salvation Army which is a 5 day event with young people (18-25) from all over the world meeting together to listen to leaders from all over talk about Holiness and inspire us to go back to our divisions to work with the youth and take back what we've learnt. I like to think of it as a movement within the Salvation Army as it has the potential to be a pivotal point in the Army's history which is exciting!

I then have JS Camp at which I'm on staff again, so a fun-filled, eye-opening week is on the cards there too!

And of course Break-a-way! The highlight of my year, every single year! Our Youth camp, summer school if you like. Something which I'm counting down the days to! (34days!)

So, I thought I'd let you know what's coming up and what's going to be happening. Whilst away in Sweden I shall be keeping a diary of which I will post up on here when I get back and I shall post when I can (or remember!) before/after camps!

Just a little thought for you out there though...

I told someone from my church that when my parents move on again, I'm staying put and they were pleased with that. My church has become home where everyone is family and I'm pleased to say that my family is growing with more and more finding Christ and attending our church. I'm also at the minute really enjoying a song called 'Home' from a Broadway musical that was re-recorded by the Cast of Glee (Kristen Chenoweth) and the first line is...

"When I think of home, I think of a place with its love overflowing..."

Is your church home? Is love pouring out of its pores?

My church is home, and what makes it home is the love within it, from the people there towards each other, and from our mighty God.

I thank the Lord for His works within our Church and I pray that if there are any places out there that don't connect with the lyrics above, that they soon will and that they'll allow God's guidance into making their church home.

Prayer via poetry...

I've realised recently that prayer can be anything. Reading, writing, singing, drawing, dancing - anything that expresses praise and adoration, thanks and gratitude and love towards our loving Saviour.

I have been in Chelmsford this weekend, bring the message of God's love to those there who came to listen to us sing. It was a wonderful occassion that seemed to be over far too quickly!
On the way home, on the coach, I was in awe at the sunset. It was absolutely beautiful! I love creation as it reveals God's creativity to me, shows me something of what He's like - and leaves me standing staring in absolute awe. It's something that gets to me.

So with seeing this sunset, I thought I'd write a poem about it. I didn't realise until the moment I finished it that it was prayer, the sensation I got writing it was just incredible! What I wrote was so true, so simple, that it connected me to my Lord. Feeling that connection was something I haven't felt for a long time, the connection you get when He lets you know He hasn't left you. The feeling I get when I'm at summer school was the same feeling I got through this poem - that 'high' feeling where you are totally in awe and in love with the Lord and you feel it back. I have to be honest, it's not something I feel all the time. It's not something you will feel all the time. Faith is a blind thing most of the time, but God does confirm it to time to time. Sort of saying "don't worry, I'm still here, you're doing great keep it up.'


Looking at the sunset,
I marvel at creation.
And wonder how you built it all,
Every city, every nation.

But I don't need to know how,
How, is not important.
The fact you made it, us and all,
Is enough to make me want to praise you,
Lord,
At your kness I fall.


Speak soon,
B x

Inadequte Frame

Come so far from feeling so good,
It's amazing how quick things change,
Just when feeling alright,
Along comes the next frame.

Confidence once so high,
Suddenly drops, leaving me dry,
Emotions scattered all over the show,
Inadequate, not good enough,
Will I ever know?

Ups and downs have their place,
Messing up lifes order and such,
Annoying as they are, just remember,
There's someone out there who Loves you SO much.

Written By
Becky Billard, 28/02/2010

Desperate for You...

Tonight I'm going to start a 30day Worship Adventure. A book called Desperate for You that a friend has lent to me. I asked if she had any books that I could borrow to enable me to reconnect with the Lord - as recently I've been so caught up in life, my relationship with Him kinda took a backseat. Until I realised of course - and posted the other day.

This book looks to be perfect for me as it's a daily devotional book that uses some of today's most powerful worship songs with scriptures and thoughts. Perfect for me! My life for Him is constantly inspired by worship songs that I love to sing in Praise to Him.

As I said, it's a 30 day devotional item and I'm going to attempt to post something about what I read and what I think about the topic every day on here for all you lucky readers!

Tonight I'm going to read the Forward (Breathe) and Day One - Leap (Come Now Is The Time To Worship) and tomorrow I will post about them.

Until tomorrow,
Yours In Christ,
Becky
x

He Loves Me...

I've been reminded today that there is a plan for all of us, if we choose to take it and follow Him and allow Him to guide us through it. Only God can make it right.

I've also seen that with all that's planned this year FOR me, wasn't planned BY me at all. It was, and is, all of God's doing! And that thought alone, just that single thought, is even to put me in awe of Him. Enough to reduce me to tears because of the love that's there for me. ME. He loves ME. He loves me enough to walk with me, wait for me to talk to Him (which unfortunately can be a while at times), create a plan just for me. He's always loved me. Even through the times I didn't know Him as my personal Saviour, He loved me. Dispite my flaws and bad habits and, well humanness....He loves me and loves me all the same, all day, every day, for eternity.

I can't really comprehend this thought without being overcome with emotion. Yet I can't describe the sense of safety I feel. The sense of relaxation, peace and joy within. Indescribable.

All this is not just for me though, He has a plan for you too. He loves you as much as He loves me and anyone else - He sacrificed His ONLY son for us, all of us - is that not enough?! For me it is.

The Holy Spirit is within me.

Jesus Christ is my Saviour.

God is my Father.


Forever. I. Will. Be. His.

Time - there's never enough of it....

Wow, haven't posted on her for a while! A lot has happened since last time. The whole summer has passed, containing two AWESOME camps, one at which I lead the children's choir and the other at which I was a student. Unforgettable times. A holiday in France was also around the summer time - nice and refreshing :D

Then it was back to sixth form for a third year, feeling all old and what not around main school. Lots of work to do these days.

Now it's nearly Christmas, this year has passed uber quickly with it nearly flashing by! I just can't believe it. It's been an awesome year, don't get me wrong, but because it's gone so fast it's left me a little deflated. I mean, I now realise just how quick life can go. As a child/teen, you wish your life away, wanting to be grown up to do all the things you dream of doing, living alone, going on holiday with your mates and all that jazz, but as a grown up you wish you were younger again, that you had worked harder so you could've avoided all the stress and hurt. Are we never happy?!

This Christmas, let's enjoy life to the full. Be around friends and family, don't waste the moment, enjoy it and savour every second, cause you'll never get that moment back. If you still feel like there's something missing, even though everything is awesome, I know one person that can fill that hole.

Want to live the fullest life you can possibly lead?

Follow Jesus.

He can give you the life worth living, the fullest life ever. In Him, you can do anything for nothing is impossible through Him.

It doesn't have to be complicated, just follow. Simple as. He loves you no matter what, and always will. He just wants you to love Him back.

Enjoy this Christmas time to the fullest. Enjoy your lifetime to the fullest.

Until next time.

Signs and Discussions Galore!

It started at the Corps Retreat. Signs. That's all I can say. A weekend full of signs. Not quite sure what they were meaning (although I'm starting to get an idea...) but there were loads of them. Physical signs (thinks 70's night for those of you who were there..). Emtional signs (a great feeling of awe towards God's creation - star gazing one night). Signs, signs and more signs.

Although there may be a deeper meaning, which I'm working on figuring out, they all pointed out the same constant message to me. God was there with me. With us. It was an incredible feeling. I could sense Him watching over us, sense His presence throughout the weekend - which was for Him and for our relationship with Him.

I have a feeling that weekend was the start of something for me....

I've been at school today - immediate thought this morning was "Gonna be a good day. Only two lessons and one isnt really classed as a lesson!" I never realised this morning how much of a good day it would turn out to be...

I got up late this morning, well later than usual as I had a free period first lesson, so had a little lie in. Got on with my usual morning routine and as I was packing my bag I thought to myself, "Let's pack my Bible - I can find some spare time to start reading Revelation" (Revelation because of the discussion we had yesterday!). So with my Biology books and my P.E folder, my Bible sat, and off I went to school.

P.E passed rather quickly, as it usually does (it's such a great subject!) and I quickly found myself in the Biology lab. Now Biology is a revision session, as I'm currently in year 13 but doing the year 12 Biology course. With year 12 currently being on study leave - they didnt have to go to the lesson unless they wanted extra help with revision. So there we are, four students (3males and me) and our teacher sat going through some practise questions on the topic we've recently been studying (which was Classification of animals and Taxonomy incase anyone was wondering!) with the odd conversation going on, when something was said that I had to respond to "talking of which.." At this point I showed my Bible to one of the lads in the class who I knew had the same sort of background as me. His father is a pastor at a local church and he believed in exactly the same thing as I did. I quickly put it away knowing that my teacher doesnt really believe and tends to laugh and joke about this particular topic that we were slowly getting into.

Curious, Sir asked what it was I'd shown my friend. I responded with "It's nothing, and you'd just critise it anyway." to which he said; "no I won't."
To be creative I told him it was the theory that totally contradicts the evolution theory (which was the subject at that point), and he clicked on. We then suddenly got into a discussion of what I believe about the evolutionary theory, then what my friend believed then what Sir believed and quite quickly it was a discussion about peoples' faiths and what they thought.

Sir said; "I'm not sure what I believe in. I wouldn't say I'm an atheist, but I wouldn't say I believed either. I'm inbetween."

This to me was great news! All this time I've known Sir I thought he was totally against it - here he was saying he wasn't sure! What an opportunity - which I grabbed later on!


After dinner and our little discussion, I was in Sir's office doing my Head Girl duties of collecting lists of people who I needed to badger for money so they could go our prom and etc etc...and ended up sitting in there on my own as all my mates were either in lesson or at home and Sir had gone to take something to main school etc etc... So i decided I'd get out my Bible and start reading Revelation. Around chapter 4, Sir came back into his office and started tapping away at his computer, and I carried on reading. Halfway through chapter 5, I was starting to get slightly confused, so I turned round and mentioned this to him, and he asked what part I was reading, so I told him and he understood why I was confused. It turned out he went to church as a child and he knew bits about what I was reading. I explained to him why I was reading Revelation and he became interested in what I knew about Heaven and what would happen at the end of the world. I don't know a lot but I've read up on it and I do find it very scary, yet interesting. He asked the question "Will I go to Heaven? I've been a good lad with good values - is that not enough?"

So I told him. It's not the goodness of your actions that gets you into Heaven - it's the relationship with God and then the living of the faith that does. And he totally took it on board! I could see him thinking about it and I like to believe that I totally grasped this opportunity that the Lord gave to me and that I've planted something in Sir's heart that will be inquisitive and start a relationship with our Father. I thank the Lord for this, and for helping me talk about my faith in such a natural way. I ask you pray for this teacher, that he will come to know the Lord our Saviour for himself.

After school, I went to tell Sir's colleague - a good friend of mine and a fellow Christain - about these conversations and how excited I am about God working in me. This turned into a full emotional catch up to do with our faith and ended up lasting about 40mins! (I was late for rounders!) She was thrilled that things are changing in my life and that the conversations I had with Sir were of good use to both him and me. She told me she feel's God has placed His hand over our school, with me being Head Girl and using my Christain values to influence discisions I had to make over the past year, and with the two favourite candidates for the next Head Boy both being Christains too. I totally believe that God is working in my school using the young Christains that are about, by His will. I pray that this will continue and that people will see God around them in their everyday surroundings.

And finally, I started a book today - A Walk To Remember - some of you may know the film.
Jamie - the ministers daughter. She carried with her her Bible wherever she went and would read the Bible at lunch and whenever she could. She helped others in ways that put her peers to shame. She believed that everything that happened was the Lord's plan. She was always cheerful, never said a bad word about anyone or to anyone.

Reading the above after a day like today felt like another sign.

Becky - the SA officers daughter. Today took her Bible into school - read it during her free period happily in front of her year head. Helps around school with anything she can, always happy to help with a cheerful smile on her face most of the time. Has had a lot of time thinking about the Lord's plan for her recently, and has had an incredible day doing God's will in her school.

The one day I take my Bible into school becomes the day that may have been the start of saving someone from the wrath of God - the biggest sign and most incredible thing of all!

'Sin has lost it's power,
Death has lost it's sting,
From the grave you've risen,
VICTOROUSLY!

Into marvellous light I'm running,
Out of darkness out of shame,
By the cross you are the Truth,
You are the Life, You are the Way.'

Time to move on?

The other day I was having a conversation with my dad about singing cause we were listening to some beautiful songs by hillsong and I commented that I would love to be a part of that sort of worship either leading or being in the choir. My dad replied saying I'd have to leave the SA to do something like that...

Leaving the SA has been something I've been thinking about doing, sometimes I wonder what I'm doing there..."why am i here?" and I can't really answer it properly. That scares me a little. It means that I'm not there for what I should be there for. All the things I've been going to the army for in the past have all died down...sometimes in the midst of a lot of people whom I know I love and they love me, I somethimes feel alone. I don't know how that happens but sometimes it's true. I really don't wanna go though. I was thinking about having a break for a while after Christmas, not going because i have exams in January, giving me a break to prepare and do my best and to also think and have a break.

Can anyone tell me if they ever felt this way? I don't wanna leave the Army so any help would be fully appreciated.

Thanks,
Bec x

A Sign?

Is it a sign if you tend to see the same piece of scripture a few times over out of the blue?
I keep seeing Jeremiah 29:11
"'For I know the plans I have made for you', declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future'"
The fact I keep this piece of scripture on my dressing table kinda helps the fact I keep seeing it but I have seen it other than my dressing table, and I'm pretty sure I have heard it once or twice all in the same week. I'm starting to think He's trying to reinforce what He's saying. You know like reassure me or something. Can anyone help me understand this?

I Will Search For You

I will search for You,
How my soul is longing for You,
In this weary land,
I will search for You.

I see you're power and majesty,
You're love is better than life to me,
As long as I live I will praise You,
My soul will be satisfied,
As I lift up my hands towards You,
You're name will be gloryfied.

Sorteia Music Ministries

Simple words to a simple tune. I do like this song. For me, at the minute, the first stanza is where I am and I hope that one day I can sing the second part knowing that I am there with Him. Recently, I feel that the buzz I had from Summer School has naturally gone and it took a long time to go this year. But I'm starting to feel as if it's starting to go completely...I need reinforcement, I need to take the next little step. It was told after having a talk after summer school with a close friend that this would happen and it was described as a Father helping his toddler to walk. That He would hold the toddler's hand so far then take a step away and allow the toddler to take a step on his/her own before the Father took hold again. Is that where I am?
I don't really know where to go from here, so any help would be very much appreciated.

____________________________________________________________________


I'm also going to blog about songs. In general, I love to take part in musical activites, whether it be singing or playing. But something crossed my mind recently that I haven't really taken notice of before now.
When I'm singing I have a natural love for it and sometimes (not always I hate to admit) the song. The thing I've noticed that if I'm singing a pop song, so to speak or for a better way of saying it, non-Christian music, I just sing. I have feeling because I love to sing or the song's nice or something but compared to singing certain Christian songs - it's nothing. Recently I've been listening to Hillsong a lot and I started wanting to do what they do. I have a different sort of love/feeling when I sing these songs. And, I don't actually know what's different and why I have a different feeling singing non-secular vocal music. Am I actually praising Him? I dunno where I'm going with this to be honest, I don't know what the aim of this section was. I just thought it'd be something to help me establish where I am.

Anyways, I might go and write another poem if I can find some inspiration.
Becky x

Poem writing...

This evening i had the urge to write a poem so with the feeling and thoughts in my mind, here's what i came up with....

Alone

You ever get the feeling you’re lonely,
Yet you’re surrounded by everyone?
Or the happiness deep inside,
But the open need to cry?

Are you doing things right?
Or getting them all wrong?
Are things going well?
Or are they just being masked,
By the fact you don’t actually know?

Sitting around thought’s racing through you’re mind,
Wondering. Just wondering, if at all you’ll ever find,
The one thing you need. Want the most.
The one thing, one thing everyone else seems to have?

Everyone goes through a searching time,
Reacting differently.
Some think too much about it,
Others not at all.
Deal with it as you want,
Find the best for you not to fall.

Ever feel like you never have anywhere to let your emotions out?
Even if it’s to scream? To shout?
Everyone does now and then,
Even when you’re surrounded by lots of people yet again.
Just remember,
You’re not alone.

By Becky

x

I know..

GOD!

I know God.

It doesn't matter if I don't talk to Him at set times, or read my Bible all the time.

I know His character.

I've learnt the way He works.

I'd know if it was Him talking.

I'm trained to His way of things and I can pick it out if it is Him in a situation or not.

I know God.

All because of the way I've been brought up, by the people I've been surrounded by, because of Him.

I know it's not a big personal knowlegde of Him, not yet anyway, but it's a start.

And i truely can come out and say:

I...


KNOW...


GOD!

AMAZING!

These past two weeks i've been at two S.A summer camps. the first one was the junior one at which i helped out at being a Senior Sergant. the week was amazing and the final celebration was outta this world! God was in the middle, although i didnt see it then.

the second week i had Summer School, where i was a student. SS definitely had God at the centre of it all and it became clear to me on the Sunday night. We were one big family, with God in the centre and the feeling was and is incredible! the theme for this week was "Taking it in Living it out". which for me is really hard. this week i took in J.C and now i need to live it out and strengthen my relaionship with Him. prayers would be very much appreciated. i want this to last.

B. x

Conversations. Wonderful things at times.

Hey there, sorry it's been a long time since I posted. Hope everyone is okay.



Last night I was at a sleepover and the conversations I can have with my friends are just incredible. I felt kind of inspired and relieved of stuff that was floating around my head.



Last night me and two friends (there was five of us there but the other two were talking about TV shows but we all joined in eventually) had a conversation about, well, i suppose you could say it was about the supernatural. we talked about our beliefs in God, our beliefs in evil and the supernatural stuff which hits our TVs all the time. now some things in the 'supernatural' world scare me but this was just a general discussion and it was so, well, different. for once i felt okay about talking about it, i suppose its part of my being to ask questions and search for answers. i have been told that its okay to ask questions, its only natural to any human being.



So, we had this conversation talking about our faiths. the twins both have really, in my eyes, strong faiths. stronger than mine. i feel mine is really small at the minute and i don't know why. i feel i have to keep searching till i find it for myself, i know it in my head but i only feel i believe in God in my heart, i can't seem to grasp it right and i suppose its something that'll come in time with my searching. anyway, one of the twins really believes in God. she was saying how if she's ever physically on her own with no one around her she doesn't feel alone, someone is there. When she is scared she repeats the line "as i walk through the valley of death i shall fear no evil, for you are with me". it calms her down knowing that He is always there. that is really inspiring to me. the other twin also really believes although she thinks different to her twin.



The other girl i was talking to about this said she doesn't believe because she's scared that if she believes in a good side then she cant ignore the fact that there is a bad side. and that scares her. it scares me too (especially after a few episodes of a few TV shows!) but i know i can come to no harm with God near me. but again, i just KNOW, not really feel. (i do sometimes, but not all the time)



another thing we talked about was things like spirits. we talked about whether or not we believed in them being around kinda thing. now i do because i have an open mind about these sorta things. as long as they are not scary, they intrigue me. I'm not saying I'm a ghost hunter or something, i just have an open mind. i feel that if we believe in the Holy Spirit then well, that's a spirit isn't it? so why not?



i dunno if i should've posted this but it just felt like a building block conversation for my faith to build i think. i thought it would be good to share and see what people say about it, their advise and opinions. I'm not straying, cause i know whats right and whats wrong, I'm just searching.



thanks.

bec x

Gonna Change The World

This weekend was Roots weekend in Southport. I went to the Sunday night session, with my family and their (and mine too) friends. We all sat together with people from my corps and it was awesome. The speaker was called Shane and he spoke about the theme "Poverty". i was captured by the words he said and i listened for the whole time! (yes me! I listened!) and it got me thinking. Helping people who are less fortunate than us has always been in my mind somewhere, whether it is people living on the streets or whether it is little children in areas of conflict, its always got to me. yesterday there was this guy with his dog sitting on the street we were walking up to get to big top and me and my cousin and a friend stopped and put some money together to give to him. we told him to get some food etc. whether he did or not we dont know but i wasnt sure whether to give him money or go and get some food for him to stop him from getting drunk or something. we had a discussion and there is advantages and disadvantages to giving money so we settled for it. Recently a song that S Club 7 sang, well the boys out of S Club sang it, has been running through my cd player constantly. (i know im sad but i like their stuff.) here's the words, see if you can see them the way i do....


Gonna Change the World - S Club 7 (boys)

spoken: i wanna change the world, but i know i have to start with me. can you help me?

sung: when your world is closing, life is coming at ya, when you're in the darkest corner, i'm the one who'll come and catch ya.
when you life is wandering down some nowhere highway, try a different point of view and do your best to see things my way.
looking down there is brother facing borther dying one by one. but from the ground you can look up at the stars and see the words i love you painted high above you.

gonna change the world, gonna make it right, gonna get down on my knees tonight.
gonna change it all, gonna find a way, gonna start to change the world today.

there is not a book that you cannot rewrite, when you're in the darkest corner, all you do is shine your light and
when the other guy is bigger than the sky, just before he's gonna hit ya, you can always try a smile cause
all around hear a million lonely people as they say goodbye. oh, yet theres a sound of a world thats full of laughter because
now i know im better at "hello" and

gonna change the world, gonna make it right, gonna get down on my knees tonight.
gonna change it all, gonna find a way, gonna start to change the world today.

when something is wrong only we can turn it around so give me your hand my brother and walk together cause we've got a mountain to climb

change the world today

gonna change the world, gonna make it right, gonna get down on my knees tonight.
gonna change it all, gonna find a way, gonna start to change the world today.



my favourite line in that is "look up at the stars and see the words "i love you" painted high above you".

night,
becky x

Hey...

if we believe in the Holy Ghost and angels and the like, do we believe in the opposite, like Satan's 'angels' and ghosts and all that?

i'm just seaerching that's all, nothing other than searching.

Good Leaders...what makes them...

Discussing in our youth group what makes a good leader...

well, my dad has it, maximus had it, and Jesus had/has it...

FACIAL HAIR.

that's what makes a good leader...(and strawberry blonde haired people...our current youth leader and our not so current youth leader both have strawberry blonde hair.)

x

Footprints in the Sand

My brother got me the Leona Lewis Cd for my birthday and one of the songs is called footprints in the sand. it reminds me of that poem or story of someone walking with God and wondering why along their life there is just one set of footprints instead of two.
Here is that poem:

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed he was walking along the beach with the Lord.Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.For each scene he noticed two sets of footprints in the sand: one belonging to him, and the other to the Lord.When the last scene of his life flashed before him,he looked back at the footprints in the sand.He noticed that many times along the path of his life there was only one set of footprints.He also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times in his life.This really bothered him and he questioned the Lord about it: "Lord,you said that once I decided to follow you, you'd walk with me all the way".But I have noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life,there is only one set of footprints.I don't understand why when I needed you most you would leave me."The Lord replied: "My son, my precious child,I love you and I would never leave you.During your times of trial and suffering,when you see only one set of footprints,it was then that I carried you."

now here are the lyrics: compare for yourself!

Footprints in the Sand sang by Leona Lewis

You walked with me
Footprints in the sand
And helped me understand
Where I'm going

You walked with me
When I was all alone
With so much unknown
Along the way
Then I heard you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

I see my life
Flash across the sky
So many times have I
Been so afraid

And just when I
I thought I'd lost my way
You gave me strength to carry on
That's when i heard you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand.

When I'm weary
I know you'll be there
And I can feel you
When you say

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand. (x2)

how nice are those words?

freddie x

time goes by .... so ...quickly actually...

wow whee...2007 almost over...Christmas is here again and it all feels slightly surreal. i don't know if its just me getting older...i think it is but it doesn't feel like Christmas...not yet anyways. it probably will on Tuesday..it did that last year. but i cant tell why...something kinda feels missing or wrong. i cant put my finger on what it is...I'm assuming its the fact that I'm older and the excitement of being a little kid at Christmas time has gone replaced with the excitement of getting more expensive useful items.

it feels like yesterday i was getting up at five in the morning to watch a film with my brother and my grandma before getting my parents up and rushing downstairs.....that was exciting! i cant believe that its just about 2008 and I'm nearly 17...where has all the time gone? it kinda leaves me flabbergasted about all the things in life -this year and all the years which have gone by in a blink of an eye...it may not have felt like it at the time but it has gone by so quickly...so many thoughts....so many laughs....cries....mistakes....so many good times that are unforgettable. so many different people that I've met along my way....so many people that i am going to meet along my way through this life...

what is planned is amazing....what has passed was planned....what has passed has been amazing

i kinda dread the new year as i don't know what it holds....i always do dread it in a way. but i know that it has to happen and that what is in store for me will be good - in the end.